There's No Need For Darkness Any More.

I think we should all admit that love is the be all and end all. It's all that really matters. It's why we were put on earth. Love is what inspires my lines of poetry, life inspires me too. But life is one giant quest for love, "longing for the halves of ourselves we have lost", we can't be truly happy alone. We get lonely, tired and weak. There is a darkness all around without love, we have to build up walls, protect ourselves from the world. But none of us can fight the world alone, we need company. And I long to be in your company, to rest in your arms. So much in life matters, but once you find love that's true, there's nothing else left to do. You just get by, leaning on one another. You've found your light, there's no need for darkness any more.

-10th December 2011

Sap!

I still care about you, so much so. It really hurts to think I may have to let go. I don't know how to say all the things I want to say to you, so I write these lines instead. Life can be inspiring, but what is more inspiring than love? I don't see anything that is. Every day I try to write something of substance, writing eases the pain, but it cannot ever really heal a heart break. I read, and I listen to music, a lot. But I find you staring back at me, with your beauty astounding me. You are in every page, of any book I pick up, you are a main character in everything I see, you are every leaf of my notepads, you are the ink in my pen. You're the music to my lyrics, the speakers to my songs. You are my inspiration for every thing I write, you, I let come inside. From you I would never hide. I don't know what I was doing, messing around with other guys, I thought I'd fallen in love, but I see that for what it really was now. I needed someone to need me, I was too needy. I'm past that now. I want you to want me, but I'll love you no less, if you tell me "it's for the best". Love is uncontrollable, it's true. And I can finally say, now I'm well and clean, this really is love that I feel. The purest love I ever felt. I love you, alone, nobody else. Yet I don't need you, I want you. If you don't want me, it's fine, I'll go, or I'll stay, at a distance. For myself, I wish for you. Above everything else, I wish for happiness to be bestowed upon you. You're so special, honestly, I'd do anything for you. For you are the reflection I see everywhere. I could almost call you a ghost, but ghosts no longer live, and in my mind, you are so alive. You inspire me to survive.

-9th December 2011

London

I miss you, big city, bright lights. I miss you, and the people you house. You became my home, my safe haven, then you threw me out. All I wanted was to be happy with you, my friend, my foe. There's always something to do, in you. Buzzing streets, busy nights, so many people around to see the sights. Your river, so pretty to sit by, the big green space I grew to adore, your kooky little shops and even your big chain stores, I love you, and I miss you, terribly. I wish I could call you home again, but it's not to be this time. I need a little more time. Once I'm settled, I can justify being unsettled here. It's not you, and I really didn't get to know you quite as well as I would've liked. I'll be back, for sure. You are my shore, the place I feel happiest. I can wander round your streets and marvel at your beauty. I'll be back to see you soon, and I hope I'll be back to stay, one day.

-8th December 2011

My Biggest Weakness

Every piece of music reminds me of you, every lyric sends signals to my heart and it quivers, remembering you, once again. Every page of every book, every time I see people all loved up. I'm definitely still ill, I'm sick with missing you. And I don't know if we'll ever get what we had back. The thought of never touching you again, tenderly kissing you on the forehead, never feeling your lips brush mine, it kills me inside. I don't know what this is, in the past I named it love, and it could be. I don't want to say those words, I think they're too much right now. They were too much for you to take, maybe it was just all too soon. But do we get another shot? I'll take it slow this time around, I'll do it all properly. Learn more about you as time goes by, write you poetry and stories with happy endings. You are the one I want to hand me over to, I'm mine first and foremost, and I'm building myself back up, I'm becoming stronger all the time. I try my best not to give in to the weakness too much. But you, you are my biggest weakness, and you're there all the time. You're there in my mind, but you're not here. You're out there somewhere and it's been a while since I heard from you last. If it's all over, that's okay. I want you to be happy, regardless of how I feel. I'd give it all up for you. And I guess I could move on, I can be that strong. I just don't want to move on from you, because the feeling I get when I'm around you, when I see your smile, see you undress... everything about you just takes my breath.

-8th December 2011

The Shark's Jaws.

I love the sound of pattering rain,
Almost as much as the sound of your name.
I am an island,
But not every man is,
I think we could create a new one,
Together,
Build an empire,
But you won't fly away with me,
Of that I'm sure.
You could be my jellyfish,
All bright and happy and free,
It's you I want to see.
I'm just not so sure you want to see me.
You are the shark's jaws,
And I am your human meat,
But will you want me to eat?
I'll be there for you,
No matter what mountains we have to get through
I just don't know if you're willing to walk the mountains with me.
I'll be your robin,
And you be my red chest,
Robins are beautiful,
Yet they're not at all as beautiful as you.
I'll be your tree, full of pretty autumn leaves,
I'll write you love poetry daily,
On paper trees,
But will you build a lovely forest with me,
Please?

-7th December 2011

London Underground

So many stairs,
And escalators,
Everybody's rushing,
Nobody takes their time here,
Sometimes I like the fast pace,
Sometimes I'd like it to slow down,
London Underground
I do love thou,
Even with your
Shouts of
"Mind the gap"
Even with your
Stink of piss and sweaty armpits,
You get me where I need to be,
And you get me there fast.

-7th December 2011

A sea of rainbow tents.

I'm breathing underwater! How I hear you ask, well I'm on a train, we're going pretty fast. The water is gushing all around but I'm not scared. We're safe, we're safe in here. Then we see the light at the end of the tunnel, and all of a sudden everyone is standing. It's time to leave, but our journey is just beginning. On to the next train, I like it here. Phone network's changed. Everything's changing. Big pretty buildings, old little towns, awesome graffiti on the walls. We're getting tired of travelling now. It's nearly over, we've reached our destination. Men pissing, people everywhere. Balloons in the sky, food stalls outside family homes. A sea of rainbow tents. We found our friends, we hand our tickets over and we're in. It's so cool here, so much better than anything England could do. If I had to choose, I'd stay here forever. Drinking mojitos, paid for with tokens. Listening to the sweet voices sing and the instruments playing. I have my wristband on, I've found heaven, on earth. Oh please, let me stay forever.

-7th December 2011

Cigarettes and coffee stains.

I still have some of my old vices - cigarettes and coffee stains, rain drops on the rooftops and window panes. But I lost a great vice; your words, your smile, the laughter in your eyes. I lost you because I was still using that ridiculous drug, and it was messing me up. I didn't see it then, but I see it now and I'm sure, I won't be going near it any more. I just can't help but think I've messed up any chance we had, and the thought of that is quite sad. I don't know if you'd give me another chance or not. I'm not sure how much hope I've got. Me and you is something I really like the idea of, nobody else. I'm honestly not over you, if you feel the same, show me how. Give me a sign that this could work out.

-6th December 2011