Drifts Away.

Huddled together on a cold winter's night,
Out and about to see the sights,
Driving around in your car,
Together we could've got so far,
Sitting outside a cafe smoking cigarettes,
With you I had no regrets.
And I always long to go back,
To being somebody's,
Belonging in his arms,
I thought I had all the time in the world,
Now I know that every second counts,
Don't take love for granted,
Because it drifts away,
If you don't cherish every moment,
You could regret it,
If they choose not to stay.

-17th January 2012

In My Heart, Burrowed Deep.

I'll never forget you,
I loved you for so long
I found it so hard to move on,
You were always on my mind,
You were with me all the time,
In my heart,
Burrowed deep.
Your poem was a promise
That you couldn't keep.
You said I was your number one,
Said I always would be,
But you moved on
I'm coming to terms with the past,
I know now that love like ours can't last,
But I don't, and won't ever understand,
Why you won't come with me, and take my hand,
I don't know how you can't look back,
And wish that we still had that
That love that lit up even the darkest of nights.

-15th January 2012

A Cold Winter Night.

The smoke is billowing all around,
And I cannot hear a sound.
The frost is glistening on the pathways,
And the car windows glitter too,
It's a cold winter night,
I zip my jacket up tight,
Revel in the sights,
The beautiful stars in the sky,
Everything's going to be alright,
I believe that tonight.

-15th January 2012

The Rush Of A Day's First Cigarette.

That lightness,
The dizzy unbalanced sense,
The rush of a day's first cigarette.
I sit in the sun,
Close my eyes,
Revel in my blank mind,
It's all red,
Such a pretty bright light
Behind my eyes.
Open upm
Wash the coffee down,
Wake up,
Stand up,
Get on with life.

-11th January 2012

The Flowers

The flowers were so beautiful,
They brought a warmth to my heart,
It was so sweet that he'd got up early,
To go and fetch them for me.
I wonder if the darkness was just there,
Under the surface,
Bubbling away,
I wonder if it may have all worked out one day
But I walked away
From the man who bought me roses,
Walked to the light I saw,
Now the light comes no more.
Do I miss him, or just miss love?
I'm not sure,
But part of me wishes I could go back,
Try a bit more.
But that warmth is gone,
I onnly get warmth in a cup of coffee now,
I look down,
In to my empty mug,
Void, full of nothingness.
Is this really what life is?

-11th January 2012

I Can't Find The Light Switch.

Shaking hands,
Sick feeling in the stomach,
Cigarettes don't cure me any more,
It made the anxiety worse.
Buildings are staring,
The river is glaring
The world is huge,
I'm just a tiny pin prick
On the earth
It doesn't go away,
The pain and constant worry
Seem to be here to stay.
I want to fall in to someone's arms,
I need a lucky charm.
I'm trying to mend me,
But it's so hard to see
The good in the world,
It's all darkness,
I can't find the light switch.

-11th January 2012

The Darkness Of Depression.

It gets under your skin,
It can't be washed away
Oh no, it'll never be that easy for me.
It gets on to your clothes,
You put your life on hold,
Oh no, it's not going anywhere,
It's in the air,
It's everywhere,
The darkness of depression takes over again.

-11th January 2012

Eternity.

I still have my ring,
All wrapped up in tissue,
Safe in it's box.
It may not be a diamond,
But it really did represent eternity to me,
And I'm so sorry for lettting that go
I just couldn't let us be so,
Couldn't hide from the reality
Of our lives
I couldn't take the lies.
It had to be so black and white,
I wish we could've had more colour
In our lives,
Maybe sometime we can,
I don't know if you're still thinking of us,
But I know I am
Still thinking of that ring,
Those magic times,
Those times really lit up my life.

-1st January 2012

Reappeared.

We learn from our mistakes, and I learnt a lot from you. But not enough to walk away, because despite everything that was said and done, I would still not call the time we shared a mistake. It's not something that if I could go back and change, I'd choose to erase. Afterwards, I questionned if it was really love, and I told myself that whatever it was, it was over. It had to be, for me. I didn't want to be second best, and that is what I began to feel I was. It seemed like drugs were always going to be number one, and when I saw that I had to then reprioritize, had to put myself at the top - had to leave you to get on with it. I couldn't sit back and watch you live that life, couldn't watch you dying right in front of my eyes. It wasn't you anymore, you were someone else. Then you disappeared from my life completely, I got on with life, my heart drifted back in time as it always does, it laid with him again. I began to see that it needs to rest with me for a while. Then you reappeared, and the butterflies started fluttering again in my chest, I saw that your heart had drifted back in time too, I saw that you'd had her back and boy, you don't know what that made my heart do. Thinking of you with someone else makes me go crazy, and such a big part of me yearns to have you back in my life. I don't think you're a mistake, not now, I have no regrets. I'm scared. I'm scared of how much I want you around, I'm scared you'll knock all of my walls down. I'm scared that if anything ever came of us, you'd go back to drugs. I'm scared to make a mistake, scared to step a foot out of line. I don't ever want to regret having you in my life.

-1st January 2012