Reappeared.

We learn from our mistakes, and I learnt a lot from you. But not enough to walk away, because despite everything that was said and done, I would still not call the time we shared a mistake. It's not something that if I could go back and change, I'd choose to erase. Afterwards, I questionned if it was really love, and I told myself that whatever it was, it was over. It had to be, for me. I didn't want to be second best, and that is what I began to feel I was. It seemed like drugs were always going to be number one, and when I saw that I had to then reprioritize, had to put myself at the top - had to leave you to get on with it. I couldn't sit back and watch you live that life, couldn't watch you dying right in front of my eyes. It wasn't you anymore, you were someone else. Then you disappeared from my life completely, I got on with life, my heart drifted back in time as it always does, it laid with him again. I began to see that it needs to rest with me for a while. Then you reappeared, and the butterflies started fluttering again in my chest, I saw that your heart had drifted back in time too, I saw that you'd had her back and boy, you don't know what that made my heart do. Thinking of you with someone else makes me go crazy, and such a big part of me yearns to have you back in my life. I don't think you're a mistake, not now, I have no regrets. I'm scared. I'm scared of how much I want you around, I'm scared you'll knock all of my walls down. I'm scared that if anything ever came of us, you'd go back to drugs. I'm scared to make a mistake, scared to step a foot out of line. I don't ever want to regret having you in my life.

-1st January 2012