The Big Green Grass

I'm not going back to that fairytale life, I'm not going to live a lie. It's like a dream, so obviously unreal. It can make life so full of sorrow, when you come crashing back down. We cannot live our lives that way. Anger, frustration, paranoia - especially. They're illegal for a reason.
I've had a reminder of why I ran away from the story book, I don't want to go back. It changes me, I've already changed from who I used to be and that's okay. Forgiven, but not forgotten. They're all well aware you could fall back down the wishing well, they all know if you do you'll end up in hell. I'm one of them. Now, it's about moving on, never forgetting the help you have got.
I was walking through the big green grass, forgetting to observe or observing too much. I was in my own little world but it was like being trapped in a snowglobe. Then someone found my diary, and they reached out deep in to the pages and the poetry and found the real me. He picked up my snowglobe and smashed it in to pieces, they helped him. Water was gushing everywhere, snow flakes all over the floor and me, laying, broken bones. I thought he was going to leave me there, but he picked me up, dusted me down and threw me to the clowns.
It was scary, and I've never had a fear of clowns until that time. I'd escaped from my magic world, could roam the world on my own again. It wasn't that easy for me, fear was everywhere. Then I began to see, the clowns weren't out to get me, they were here to help look out for my safety. They cocooned me, I was like a baby tamarind ball. About to ripen. I'd escaped my cage, I was free.
Oh no, it wasn't to be. They built a new globe for me, this one was full of waterslides and rapids, I began to quite like it. They even threw me some company in, it was a safe haven, hopeless, yet hopeful, somehow. There's always a way to get out. Besides, in my new globe, there were still clowns around. They decided to eventually knock the walls down.
I get scared when there are no walls around, nothing there to protect me from even me. But I did it, I ran free. Then I roamed too far, and I ended up back in the pages with the big green grass and the pretty coloured waterfalls, and I had to come crashing back.
I landed with a bang, had a headache then. I learnt that I don't need to hide from reality, because it's not so bad. I just have to think of all the help I've had and give something back.

-4th December 2011