I'm cutting out the word 'love' from my vocabulary, advice I decided was good, because I love too much. I let it take over me. Like a drug. An illegal, class A one. Danger, danger. There are red and blue flashing lights, sirens, the burglar alarm is going off. Constantly. They've all burgled me. They took pieces of me, my heart, memories. I can't get all of the pieces back, so I don't know what to do. I'm not sure if I could ever be enough for you. Future, I'm not sure I have time for you. Past and present is currently all I can do. Worry, it's what I do. Day, in, day, out. I've been fucked around, but I've done some fucking around too. I use men as my shoulders, my pillows. I'm too old to have a pacifier so instead I like to have human heat, skin on skin, cuddles, and kisses and such. But love means so much to me, and I think I'm already in it. Today everything is blissful, I'm happy with the place I'm in. Watch out for tomorrow, the sunshine may have melted my ice cream by then.
-3rd December 2011
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