Sap!

I still care about you, so much so. It really hurts to think I may have to let go. I don't know how to say all the things I want to say to you, so I write these lines instead. Life can be inspiring, but what is more inspiring than love? I don't see anything that is. Every day I try to write something of substance, writing eases the pain, but it cannot ever really heal a heart break. I read, and I listen to music, a lot. But I find you staring back at me, with your beauty astounding me. You are in every page, of any book I pick up, you are a main character in everything I see, you are every leaf of my notepads, you are the ink in my pen. You're the music to my lyrics, the speakers to my songs. You are my inspiration for every thing I write, you, I let come inside. From you I would never hide. I don't know what I was doing, messing around with other guys, I thought I'd fallen in love, but I see that for what it really was now. I needed someone to need me, I was too needy. I'm past that now. I want you to want me, but I'll love you no less, if you tell me "it's for the best". Love is uncontrollable, it's true. And I can finally say, now I'm well and clean, this really is love that I feel. The purest love I ever felt. I love you, alone, nobody else. Yet I don't need you, I want you. If you don't want me, it's fine, I'll go, or I'll stay, at a distance. For myself, I wish for you. Above everything else, I wish for happiness to be bestowed upon you. You're so special, honestly, I'd do anything for you. For you are the reflection I see everywhere. I could almost call you a ghost, but ghosts no longer live, and in my mind, you are so alive. You inspire me to survive.

-9th December 2011