You Cannot Take It All Away From Me.

You cannot take it all away from me. Take what is yours, rightfully. Take what you bought, for me. But you can’t take reality away. Those few weeks, that was heaven for me. Then I slumped back down, crashed and burned. Like an angel, I was falling.

You wanted your gems more than you wanted us to be, I guess you could say the same for me. Yet the reality is that we both played our parts in throwing that love away. Now it is gone, I see more clearly. We could have worked out, eventually. It was always going to be a rollercoaster with you, not one of the little caterpillars either. No, this was the scariest most sickening ride I had ever seen. Brand new. We were the first to test it, and we should have read the warning signs.
 

Signposted everywhere in bold, bright red lettering, “Love hurts”, “It won’t work” – we just drove right past them. Fuck the law, we thought. It will catch up, eventually. You cannot run away from it forever. Somebody will be sitting, waiting. You’ll have fines to pay. Maybe your fine will be your life, one day. That would take both our lives. It got to the stage where I began to think I couldn’t live without you. I toughened up and walked away. Turned you in, that’s what I did. What I tried to do, but they turned you away, too.
 

So it’s up to you, now. Only you can choose. There are so many lanes, flyovers, bridges. So much still needs building. Start up from scratch, fuck it all off, push it away. Just make the decision - the decision to start over from today.
Go travel the globe, get a job, start a course, just enjoy being, learn to love learning. Life lessons – they are hard to get some times, but you know all the way through. They are there. You have to decide, whether to hear them, but too often, we ignore them.
 

I have opened my eyes, I’ve begun to listen, realized rules are there for a reason. I am certain I’ll still break some, my heart’s open. That is almost impossible to change, but I will try my hardest. Learning to love me more, that’s my mission. I can’t expect anybody else to understand if I don’t even get it myself, so I’m trying.
Hiding, I’m done with. This is me, I’m here for the taking. Yet you cannot have all of me, because I’m nobody’s. I am mine, I’m me, and that’s who I always intend to be. My problem is attention deficiency.
  

So I’m gone, and I do apologise, most sincerely. I just hope you learnt something from me. You can’t take my life from me. You can set a bomb off in front of me, but I will run away from it. I do not stick around when things get scary. There’s only so much danger one can take. I gave my heart, on a plate.

“Einmal ist Keinmal” – that’s the lesson I have learnt. That and self-admiration. Following through with aspirations. You’ll see me again and I will be exactly where I always wanted to be.

-22nd November 2011